Etiquette the road to success – by Milroy Martyn – Endeavour Hills

Etiquette the road to success

by Milroy Martyn – Endeavour Hills

Etiquette is the oil which makes for smooth relationships. You can be ever so distant in your relationships but yet be civil, The smile, the nod, the wink, can tell more than all the words in the world.

Why bear grudges and anger it only hurts the person carrying the heavy load of resentment, often the other person does not even know that you bear a grudge or is angry.

A wise person remains silent when they are angry or mad at something. Harsh words thrown at a time of anger can- not be retrieved, it has hit the mark with blemish, and caused untold, irretrievable damage, the old adage of “silence is golden” is eternally true.

Etiquette is elegant behaviour, is invigorating, and uplifting.

I go to drop my grandson, one day of the week, and the mothers who bring their children to the day care centre, are amongst the most polite, kind, caring, people I have met; they hold the door open for you to enter, and wait until you are in, to let the door go, they say hello, and good morning, with a genuine smile, which lingers and not one of those mechanical smiles which leaves the face instantly. This, lifts me into a higher echelon of human behaviour, and makes me want to imitate and continue to be nice.

Etiquette is virtually being nice to people around you whether it is a chance acquaintance, or a lasting relationship, it never hurts to be polite and civil in conversation.
Etiquette is elegant, and makes sense.

Etiquette is being considerate, it is being thoughtful, to those in the home, all else is empty and shallow and has no value. The bible says “when you go to a feast do not sit at the head of the table, it is reserved for the chief guest, take the lowest place until you are ushered to the ordered seat, where the host says, guest come up higher”.

Good manners are often most evident and best displayed at table, where table manners are learned.

Children ought to be taught:

To wipe their mouths with a paper towel and not on their shirt sleaves,
To excuse themselves before leaving the table, not to spill food on the floor, or spit out bits of food stuck in their teeth and not to use a tooth pick at table, and flick the debris all over.
When there are dishes of food, not to fill their plate with half the food. Think of other’s needs.
To be considerate about the needs of others.

To pick up any food fallen off their plate on the table cloth.
We were a bunch of seven plus mum, and dad, made nine, and we were taught to be considerate about the needs of the other. I often chose to serve myself last, you can not go wrong.

We left the first choice to the youngest member of the family and it went up the ladder and if there was a very old person at the table they were given pride of first choice in serving.

Unpleasantness at table.
In some cultures belching is a sign that the meal served is very tasty. In western society or any normal society belching is the rudest noise you can make if you want to break wind, excuse yourself and visit the toilet, or some place far away from your guests.

Smelling good through the day
Wake up early before you set out for the day and relieve yourself of the night’s accumulation in your stomach. My mother recommended “drink a glass of cold water and that will flush your bowels quickly” it sure does, and your stomach is free of debris, and you do not break wind all through the day.

Make certain you wash your hands after use of the toilet with soap and water and generous use of deodorant soap or fresheners will make you smell sweet, do carry a sachet of pleasant smelling fragrance.

Men might carry a” man bag” with such accoutrements, not being overly sissy. It is most disgusting when you are in company and someone constantly breaks wind, and smears the atmosphere with pollution. Sometimes I wish I could paint this effluent wind.

“Let your personality be your profit and not your punishment.” Amith Kalantrie
It is important for your corporate embellishment, and body impact, that you smell pleasant and clean without an overbearing of perfumes, just a light dab would do.

Saying nice things never hurt anyone.
If you want to say anything, say something nice, it never hurt anyone. To be nice.
I remember a story told about a passenger who was getting off a bus and just before she left another passenger said loudly” you left behind something” “ a bad feeling” came the abrupt answer” she had been complaining about everything all through the bus ride. Buddha said” when you point one finger at someone, four point back at you”.

Let your heroes be known.
Give praise and honour to those to whom it is rightly due.
Spend more time posting stories about heroes, than you do about the wrongs in the world. When we know about heroes and we see those who perform heroic acts, we too want to be heroes. There is a hero in all of us. Heroes are important.

“If you want friends you must be friendly. Always complaining and posting negative comments is not going to bring you friends. No one likes to get puked on.
Be the example. “You brought me home a brand new kite you taught me how to fly” daddy my daddy teach me how to pray” Daddy his daddy did not know how to pray” song by Jim Reeves.

Being boorish is not being a gentle-man
As a man, you can be boorish if you think you are highly favoured, and women are a dime a dozen, and you can take advantage of a female, whilst being polite, maintaining that safe distance is pleasing in company and does not create undue displeasure, or else your company can become distasteful, and you will be shunned.

Integrity is lost if you are not careful in doing what is right in all circumstances. All it takes is one mistake. One miss take.

Don’t spread bad feelings
“Keep the personal, personal and do not be guilty of spreading bad feelings.” John Patrick Hickey
“No matter who it is or what you think of them, never rejoice in the pain of others. It lowers you to a level you should not be at.” John Patrick Hickey,

To be trusted is a compliment and one which you earn, through being responsible in little things, My mother often reminded us “if you can be trusted with little things, you will trusted with bigger things. and they expect that you will honour their trust.”

Let yourself be invited
In a conversation do not boorishly barge in. there are discreet means of entering one
Always ensure you are invited into a conversation. There are ways and means of entering an established group conversing.

“The table was a large one, but the three were all crowded together at one corner of it: ‘No room! No room!’ they cried out when they saw Alice coming. ‘There’s plenty of room!’ said Alice indignantly, and she sat down in a large arm-chair at one end of the table. ‘Have some wine,’ the March Hare said in an encouraging tone. Alice looked all round the table, but there was nothing on it but tea. ‘I don’t see any wine,’ she remarked. There isn’t any,’ said the March Hare. ‘Then it wasn’t very civil of you to offer it,’ said Alice angrily. ‘It wasn’t very civil, of you to sit down without being invited,’ said the March Hare.”

― Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland & Through the Looking-Glass

Heroes are courageous
“Heroes show us courage, honour, integrity and strength. Now more than ever, we need heroes.”
John Patrick Hickey, “Be the change” is the title of the book I am currently reading.
Be the blessing, be the person who spreads joy, not gloom
Encourage, rejoice and be happy at the achievements of others put your hands together in praise and appreciation, your attitude changes, and you feel better. Be hearty when you applaud.

Boost your ego, being humble
“Bow your head down and SEE, Your Ego will vanish. Shed your EYES a little, Your heart will MELT. Restrain your Teeth and SEE, Your health will improve. Stop your Tongue and SEE,
Conflicts will be passed away. Shorten your desires and SEE, There will be a world of Happiness. There was a practice in our home when you wake, to say nothing for the first half hour after you have wished good morning. ― Sandy Raman.
Gossip is the harshest form of character vilification. Often the person whose character is maligned, is not present to defend themselves.

Share your secrets only with those you trust, or not at all.
Be cautious with whom you share your secrets, firstly, if you lose their friendship you have rested your innermost secrets, in the bosom of an enemy. Always be careful not to share any personal secrets. Be circumspect about the friends you choose to be your friend. Remember the words of the song Tennessee Waltz. “my friend stole my sweetheart from me”
“To be truly grateful for the kindness of others and to have those you love in your life is a great and powerful emotion. John Hickey.

Be at par with the rest of those at the party.

“In society, the object of conversation is of course entertainment, and improvement, and it must, therefore, be adapted to the circle in which it is carried on, and must be neither too high brow nor too deep for the party at large, so that every one may contribute his share, and to the best of his ability” Arthur Martine, Martine’s Handbook of Etiquette. You “talk shop” only with like, minded people, for example doctors will talk medically only in the company of the medical profession.
Lord Chesterfield advises his son “to speak often, but not to speak much at a time; so that if he does not please, he will not at least displease, to any great extent.”

Rousseau tells us, that, “persons who know little, talk a great deal, while those who know a great deal, say very little.” ― Arthur Martine, Martine’s Handbook of Etiquette

I remember when we as a family, were in our deepest grief at the loss of our daughter, the radio was playing “it’s raining in my heart” and this friend said to me there’s your theme song “It is rudeness of the highest order to hit a family when they are down.” ― John Patrick Hickey,
You are what you speak, and you are what you tweet. Take care. Sooner or later, The President will fall victim to his tweets.

Etiquette on the dance floor.

It is so evident, those who have been to a reputed dance school for training in dancing. They flow in a clock wise direction the rest go all over, and crash into every one on the floor. Particularly when the music is a waltz, it’s so orderly to see the dancers twirling around the floor in a clock wise circular movement round the floor, they don’t bump, into each other, and there is a smooth flow of dancers.

I have been hit in the face, by those who do the jive, The jive does need space, it’s best to move to some place on the floor where there is ample space to perform their gyrations. When the music switches into twist, or Baila it’s always politeness, to be in areas of the dance floor where you are away from those who dance traditionally, and correctly, moving clock wise. Avoid banging into others on the dance floor, guide your partner away from an impending bang, gently, Hold your lady gently with kindness, and dignity. Politeness at a dance, is to dance with your partner of the night, and if you choose to dance with someone else make sure that your partner is not lingering alone at the table,
In my younger days, I was invited by a girl to a dance, and all through the night she danced with her boss I was a “cats paw” for her to get permission of her parents to go to a dance.

Never complain about your partner’s dancing, you are there to enjoy the night and not complain.

Organisers of dances should take it upon themselves, to ensure that the floor space for dancing is generously large, making large profits at the expense of providing inadequate space for dancing is a rip off when every- one is cramped on the floor.

Dance bands should be instructed to provide music with a medly of tunes of the same beat, like a medley of waltzes, a medley of Baila,twists and so on. A medley is a group of like beat songs, or music.
Organisers of dances should instruct the dance band to prepare a repertoire of music they intend providing to ensure that there is order. Often dance bands break the music, and do not know what their next song or music is, and the music is not a medley of tunes, when the music and dancing are in tandem it is a great pleasure to dance to a good band, or disc jockey. People on the dance floor should not be kept waiting for the next repertoire of music it should flow unbroken, until the end of the medley of songs or music. Your supporters have spent money to enjoy a good dance, and good food, it’s your duty as an organiser to ensure your guests are treated with good music, and tasty food.
Band singers ought not to go off at tangent singing off key. Stay with the original tune the basic tune.

One very important concept in order to ensure integrity, particularly when dances are organised to support charitable ventures, or past student associations, that the organisers provide an expense, and income statement, at the dance to ensure that the money collected is spent in supporting the old school or charity. Otherwise the dance means of collecting, money becomes a farce and an opportunity to cheat and leaves doubt and looses support above all; integrity..

Milroy Martyn
Endeavour Hills..

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